Posted on by MyBeautifulMigraine

When Migraine begins to drive one MAD

On day 3 of MIGRAINE, I start to lose my shit. I start showing signs of mania and agitation. It’s not pretty. It’s not a pretty mind. Medications fail… and I pull back on using them. Instead, I turn to alternate medications like phenergen (antiemetic) or tizanidine (muscle relaxer) or a steroid pack and alternate drug-free treatments like Cefaly and all the ice packs. Sometimes, the freezer just can’t keep up with the migraine.

“Loveliness,” thy name is MIGRAINE day 3

I’m waiting for my Botox for Chronic Migraine to start working – administered by my neurologist 4 days ago (but almost 3 weeks late from the 12 week mark it was due). It usually takes at least a week and a half to start paralyzing the little muscles in my head and jaw.

Growing roots in my bed. I have worn only PJs for days. I smell like sleep and illness and idleness. No makeup, not even a hairbrush. It is a pathetic state, an embarrassing state. And my brain is a scribble mess of perception mixed with ominous and intrusive depressive thoughts.

The entire body of chronic issues chimes in on the migraine madness; RA a-flaring in hands and feet, sciatica a-fire starting in my right piriformis down my leg. There is heat for that ailment. I can feel my body is completely anxious and bound with tension. I can not relax. It is the typical pain/anxiety circle. I know this place, I remember it and I despise it.

Chronic Pain cycle

I know a medical massage would be prudent if I could afford the luxury and help. But instead… I’ll just keep breathing: one breath at a time. One moment at a time. There will be a change in this dark path. I know it. I know it because no migraine lasts forever. Time is always a healer. But in the darkness, it’s hard to believe it, even though I know it is true.

Hoping there is a world outside my little messy bedroom, full of happiness and health and joyful humans. God bless you all and be well.

#ChronicMigraine #ChronicMigraineAwareness #RheumatoidArthritis #ChronicIllness #ChronicPain #BOTOXforChronicMigraine #ChronicPainCycle

Posted on by MyBeautifulMigraine

12 hours of mini coma

Let me tell you a tiny story about Chronic Illness.

Last night was a typical night… I’d rested all day. No makeup, no clothes, just PJs and ice and heat and medicine. I fell asleep at 02:00 am. with my head wrapped in ice and 2 heating pads on my back and right hip. Mini coma ensued. I dreamt. I kept sleeping.

At 2:00 pm, I woke up. Detangled myself from heating pad cords, got to the restroom, and took my morning meds.

A 12 hour mini coma. Restful, right? Nope. I’m absolutely EXHAUSTED. My head has a mild migraine, my back is screaming. I slipped back into bed.

It’s now 5 pm, and here I lie. Changing my head wrap ice, laying on the heater, and binging Millionaire Matchup on Netflix. I’ve had some coffee and my medicine. I can’t face getting up to actually eat anything because I’m too tired.

How can anyone be tired after 12 hours of sleep? 🙋🏻‍♀️

And that, my friends, is Chronic Illness.

It controls my life, it is bigger than my life. It’s a huge monster, and I’m this tiny spark of a person living under its smothering  layers and layers. It makes me very sad. Never in a million years could I have imagined this kind of existence. I had no idea it was a possibility. As they say: with Chronic Illness, you don’t get it until you get it.

Maybe I’ll be adventurous and actually get a small snack when I get some new head ice? Wish me luck!

Hello World and all that inhabit it!😊

#ChronicIllness #ChronicMigraine #ChronicPatient