The Lament of Growing Children

If I have to read another one of these๐Ÿ™„๐Ÿ™„๐Ÿ™„…ugh, I swear to God, I’ll never understand…and I am no stranger to depression, so you’d think I’d have more understanding and compassion.

I responded to my friend’s lamenting article today with:

“Our time together isnโ€™t over. There will be the next phase and the next one and the next.”

And this is the BEAUTY of Life. The amazing adventure doesn’t end! There is so much more to come! As I wrap my arms around these big beautiful adult children, kiss them all over their face and tickle them (as only mums are allowed to do), my heart fills with pride and excitement and fear (there’s always that fear…I remember it when he struggled to breathe at 6 weeks old with RSV).
But there is SO much more to come…the BEST parts – when they become there own people! And I will always always have my sweet memories of kissing fuzzy warm baby heads, as well as enduring screaming exorcist tantrums with vomit.

They are never ours. Never. Just precious gifts given to us to care for and raise and love….for just a short time.โค

When my children were born…I was never hoodwinked into thinking they were mine. Only mine to care for, raise and love for a short time…for the time God graced me. My children are not my possessions…they are their own people…even from the time they were helpless little tiny humans with wise eyes that searched and stared into my own. They were not mine. Only my responsibility and my privilege. My privilege.

My time with these beautiful people doesn’t end at 18 when they’re off to college. There is no alarm clock that goes off, no running across an end zone. With God’s Grace, the best is yet to come…the adventure continues.

Every day is a gift. Every kiss, every touch, every song, every conversation, every “I love you.”

Do I think I’m “better than” these many, many moms who seem to struggle to “let go?” No. Absolutely, resoundingly and positively – NO. I have enough demons for thousands. I just do not understand this particular and common lament. I don’t get it. Have these moms just woken up one day and realized their children have grown? Did they miss the multitudes of birthday parties, back to school nights, dinners and more dinners, potty training months and months, endless shoe tying, homework help, and daily worries? I was there…everyday…living and experiencing every moment…the belly laughs, the oceans of tears, the repeating myself til I was blue…so many, many many gifts to me, their Mother. I knew what was happening…and I was preparing for it…every day. And maybe, possibly the reason it doesn’t rock my core is that I have so many spawn…four is a lot. But I realized when they were born that any less than 4 was too few for me. ๐Ÿ˜

Maybe some day I will eat my words…maybe some day, someone will be able to explain this common phenomenon of sorrow? Until then..

My heart is so full …so full of Love and the adventure of Life.