Let me tell you a tiny story about Chronic Illness.
Last night was a typical night… I’d rested all day. No makeup, no clothes, just PJs and ice and heat and medicine. I fell asleep at 02:00 am. with my head wrapped in ice and 2 heating pads on my back and right hip. Mini coma ensued. I dreamt. I kept sleeping.
At 2:00 pm, I woke up. Detangled myself from heating pad cords, got to the restroom, and took my morning meds.
A 12 hour mini coma. Restful, right? Nope. I’m absolutely EXHAUSTED. My head has a mild migraine, my back is screaming. I slipped back into bed.
It’s now 5 pm, and here I lie. Changing my head wrap ice, laying on the heater, and binging Millionaire Matchup on Netflix. I’ve had some coffee and my medicine. I can’t face getting up to actually eat anything because I’m too tired.
How can anyone be tired after 12 hours of sleep? 🙋🏻♀️
And that, my friends, is Chronic Illness.
It controls my life, it is bigger than my life. It’s a huge monster, and I’m this tiny spark of a person living under its smothering layers and layers. It makes me very sad. Never in a million years could I have imagined this kind of existence. I had no idea it was a possibility. As they say: with Chronic Illness, you don’t get it until you get it.
Maybe I’ll be adventurous and actually get a small snack when I get some new head ice? Wish me luck!
There are moments in my life when regular people have done extraordinary acts for me. And I don’t believe these everyday angels have any idea how they’ve blessed me.
The day Dawn was an angel.
Dawn is my age and the owner of a home cleaning team that helped me out once a month. Dawn is a special person; she works so hard at her company and struggles daily with her own health autoimmune conditions. It was a time of my life when I was realizing raising 4 young children, working part-time as an RN, and starting to understand that my migraine disease was now becoming chronic. I had been cleaning my own house, trying to juggle life and dancing as fast as I could… I fell ill with a horrendous case of Shingles that crossed 8 dermatomes on my left side. I have always said that Shingles illness was a message from God Himself ordered me I needed help; I could not do it all alone, and I needed to hire cleaning help. When the cleaning team arrived once a month, I would scurry like a mad woman the night before trying to tidy up so the cleaning team could actually clean the house the following day. Most busy moms know what I’m talking about. The precleaning cleaning for the cleaners!
Anyway, when the cleaning team arrived, I would always take the opportunity to do the laundry while the team scrubbed and made the house shine. I felt like I could at least look busy while they did all the tough work. And oi, with 4 kids and a husband, I had a LOT of laundry. About 5-6 large loads would end up piled high on the living room couch, and I would fold fold fold and place in towering piles. Usually, the cleaning team was done WAY before I was done with all the laundry!
There was one day in particular that always sticks in my mind: I was trying to do all the laundry while the cleaning team worked, but I had a blinding disabling migraine. I just could not function even though I desperately wanted to look productive and be productive alongside my wonderful cleaners. But it was just too much. I caught Dawn on the side and told her: “Dawn, I am so sorry, but I have to go to bed… this migraine is absolutely debilitating. I am so sorry.”
Her face and response were complete understanding: “Of course! Go to bed! We’ve got this!” And I left their payment check on the counter and went to bed, wrapping my head in ice.
The cleaning team continued to clean around me… the upstairs bedrooms, the kitchen, the living/dining room, dusting, vacuuming, the master bathroom, the master bedroom, and all the floors.
They were done in a couple of hours. Dawn tiptoed into my bedroom, where I was under the covers incapacitated. She lovingly and softly touched my hand and whispered to me: “Donna, we’re all done and leaving… we’ll lock the front door behind us. I hope you feel better soon, sweetie.” I mumbled an acknowledgment, but it wasn’t nearly as heartfelt as what I was feeling.
Dawn saw me that day. She truly understood how much I was hurting. And I remember what I felt that day… she spoke to me with such amazing kindness; like a mother talking to her child. And my heart was so moved. And I was so incredibly grateful for her kindness, for her love, for her care. And I don’t think I ever really thanked her enough for that moment. She’ll never comprehend how grateful, overwhelmingly grateful, I was for that moment. Thank you, sweet Dawn. Thank you, thank you, thank you. I don’t know how I can ever thank you enough.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * *
The time my brother Glen was so kind.
My entire family came to town to celebrate my oldest son’s high school graduation. It was a busy time. I had been slowly and step-by-small-step planning a graduation party for my son. I was running on immense adrenaline… determined to pull off a fun party and enjoy every moment and my family. It was a big party – at the community clubhouse with catered food, popcorn machine, music, drinks, a photo booth, a beautiful cake, pictures displayed of my son from babyhood to adulthood… approximately 50+ people attended! The graduation was on a Friday evening and the party was on the Sunday after and it was a glorious party success… everyone seemed to have a great time! Most importantly, my son!
One of my biggest migraine triggers is let down after stress. And I’d been dancing fast on the adrenaline the entire week/weekend. After the party, we cleaned up the clubhouse and transported everything, including gifts, back to our house in a jumbled mess. I would sort it all out later in the coming days when family and friends left and flew home to their many different locations.
While everyone was still visiting in the house and enjoying each other, I slipped away to bed. I got into my PJs, wrapped my migraining head in ice, and put my ice booties on to treat my RA flaring feet. I tried to do the Isish Goodbye; I would just slip out of sight while everyone else enjoyed their time. It was about 7 pm. But my mother and my 2 older brothers sought me out and found me in my bed. I smiled and encouraged them to go join the fun in the other room. My mother and oldest brother, Dave, understood that after such activity, I was completely out of commission. But my second brother Glen had never witnessed me like this. I could see the shock and concern in his eyes, and it broke my heart; I wanted to assure him this was totally NORMAL for me. But he didn’t understand; he doesn’t understand someone living with incurable alignments like Chronic Migraine and Rheumatoid Arthritis. My mom spoke softly to him as all three of them stood at the end and side of my bed: “She’s been under so much stress and needs to recover. This is what happens to her.” (Then my mom probably relayed a story from her own life because that’s what she always does.)
Seeing the impact in Glen’s eyes undid me. I wanted to hop out of bed and be just fine for him. I wanted to do that; but I just could not. I smiled at him through my pain and tried to say something to assure him this was perfectly normal and he didn’t need to worry; he could just join in with the others in the living room. “Don’t worry about me,” I smiled at him.
At that time, Glen reached for my feet and started to massage them gently. He was trying trying to help. The love he gave to me at that moment. The concern in his eyes… it moved my heart in ways I can never express. He gently massaged my aching feet. A moment I felt seen and completely LOVED. And I can not thank my dear brother enough for that moment… for that love and concern. I’ll never forget the way he affectionately rubbed my feet. He saw me. He saw my pain. He saw my reality. And it broke my heart that it broke his heart. My sweet big brother. I will always remember that moment. Glen was an angel that stood at the end of my bed and massaged my aching feet.
I had my first migraine at age 6 at a day camp and was episodic for many years. My mother actually diagnosed me – she was a migrainuer herself and saw all the symptoms I presented: sensitivity to light and sound, I was pale and sick and couldn’t move without terrible throbbing head pain. The day camp was very loud and crowded, and I was probably hungry and anxious. I became chronic about 10+ years ago in my 30’s and have done so much research and testing to become a Migraine Jedi.
The most critical part of migraine is preventing yourself from going chronic – the number one reason people become chronic is from inadequate migraine treatment. It’s shockingly simple. Inadequate migraine treatment.
The first and most important step I STRONGLY recommend is downloading a migraine app on your phone immediately. It allows you to track your migraines, their start/stop, weather info, food info, and most importantly, it can help identify your triggers. Avoiding migraine triggers is key. Also, a migraine app (such as Migraine Buddy) will be invaluable for you to share with your physician. Data data data! Incredibly powerful and helpful.
My triggers were hormones, stress, letdown AFTER stress, and any fluctuations in weather: barometric shifts, too much sun, too much wind, changes in pollen, changes in altitude, etc. Once you’ve established data in your migraine app, the next huge component is PREVENTION. There are several simple things that have a lot of scientific data and are easy to implement. Of course, following a good meal and sleep schedule. But also: MAGNESIUM 400-500 mg daily (I recommend taking at nighttime because it can make you sleepy). Also, RIBOFLAVIN and CoQ10. Two herbs have good results, too: Feverfew and Butterbur. Next, if those aren’t helpful enough (and often it’s not); it’s time to move to good medical care. An excellent place to start is:
But often, for young women, simply getting on birth control can make a major improvement if your migraines are related to hormones. It’s truly amazing.
Moving to medications: There are several first tier meds for migraine prevention: cardiac meds (atenolol, nadolol, propranolol, verapamil), antiseuzure meds (topamax, zonisimide), antidepression meds (amitriptyline). They’ve found that some of these meds work off-label for migraine prevention. But they are not necessarily the greatest. Some doctors will even skip them since there have been other better medications developed now.
Personally, I’ve found incredible help from Botox for Chronic Migraine. It’s been used with great success for over 20 years. It often takes a while for insurance approval. And you’ll need to allow 3 full treatments (9 months) to evaluate its helpfulness. I receive 30-40 subcutaneous injections immobilizing my muscles in my forehead, temples, occipitals, neck, traps, and jaw.
There are also a bunch of anti-CGRP meds that hit the market in 2018, and I’ve been able to test them. Some are once a month injectables like Aimovig, Ajovy, Emgality. There are migraineurs called “super responders,” who have been able to almost completely eliminate migraine from their life with these injectables. But personally, I’ve had the best luck with Nurtec (oral CGRP) taken every other day. CGRPs are also used as abortive meds. And I’m going to talk about them after prevention. Another important diagnostic for migraine is to make sure there is no anatomical reason for your increase in migraine. For me, my “cause” is hereditary. My mother, father, grandparents, and brother all got migraine. So it was no surprise that I suffered (although none of them became chronic). If there is no hereditary component and your migraines have started out of the blue, or you have a NEW migraine symptom: a full neuro workup is in order. An MRI with and without contrast and other tests, if deemed necessary.
Next step: ABORTIVES. This is critical. You’ll need to be able to treat your migraine appropriately and AGGRESSIVELY. A full glass of water or gatorade, ibuprofen 600-800mg and rest may be all you need. However, ALL medications have a possibility of causing MOH (medication overuse headache) or REBOUND. Even ibuprofen taken too often can cause MOH or rebound. So if youre having frequent migraine, you’re going to need other options to treat: the TRIPTANS, developed in the 1990s (imitrex, maxalt, zomig, frovo, and more – they can be administered orally, injection, nose spray and more). Also, CGRPs (Ubrevly – Serena Williams is spokeperson lol, Nurtec, Reyvow – these are orals). So, if you are chronic (15 or more migraine events per month x3 months), you’re going to need to circulate through these options to avoid MOH. Another secret weapon can be an antiemetic like phenergen – which not only helps with nausea and vomiting with migraine, but it also has some evidence of pain relief. Also, some doctors may prescribe a mild muscle relaxant such as tizanidine… which can help interrupt the clenching and tension involved with migraine – helping break the pain cycle. Lastly, I need to address MOH, rebound, and status migrainosis… migraine events have 3-4 stages: 1) prodrome, 2) aura (only 1/3 of migraineurs have aura, I never have), 3) headache, and 4) postdrome.
Through intensive study, it’s been determined the time of a migraine stages 1-4 last 12-72 hours. IF YOUR MIGRAINE IS LASTING LONGER, it is probable you are in status migrainosis. This is NOT your fault. It happens. A lot. If you are in SM, it is important to involve and get treatment from your physician. Simple solutions to interrupting and ending SM are steroids: your doctor can prescribe a steroid dose pack. More intensive treatments are infusions: like magnesium, depakote, steroid, torodol (actually, these can be quite effective! And there are actually infusion centers located everywhere that offer IV drips – some for hangover lol, but they also have a “migraine cocktail”) Quite honestly, the worst option for SM is going to an ER or ED. They are just not equipped to deal with migraine… these retail drip centers are better!
But your physician can also order infusions (either in office or an infusion center) for you, which would be covered by insurance. Personally, I do very well with a steroid dose pack and then complete rest. Because TIME and switching to meds like phenergen (instead of pain meds and migraine meds – which I STOP taking altogether) is the most tried and true way to END a lengthy migraine event.
Lastly, I want to touch on non medicine migraine treatments! My freezer is FULL of icepacks! My favorite is the Headache Hat from Amazon.
Wrapping my migraine head in ice is so helpful for me. Some people prefer heat. Some people use a chiropractor for adjustments. (They only cause me migraine) But I am helped by medical massage. Some people use accupunture. I didn’t have much success. Applying cranial pressure can help migraine as well – if a family member can help with that, that’s great! https://www.verywellhealth.com/craniosacral-therapy-for-migraines-
It’s like a tens unit for your head. Very safe and helpful. But it’s not cheap and not covered by insurance. Cefaly does have a money back guarantee, which is awesome. Another device I’ve tried is Relivion. https://www.relivion.com/
Also expensive and not covered by insurance. Sigh. Another device with awesome data for episodic migraine improvement is Nerivio! https://nerivio.com/
Basically, Migraine sucks sucks sucks. But there is SO much to do proactively and preventively to control the neurologic disorder. I have only touched the surface of information! 🙂
You will hear (from well-intentioned friends and family) about daith piercings, kale smoothies, CBD and essential oils, and other mystical “migraine cures,” which I don’t completely discount. But anything claiming a “cure” for a neurological disorder that HAS NO CURE… make sure to take that advice with a grain of salt.💜
Example of annoying and unhelpful migraine advice meme
Know one thing – the most important thing – YOU ARE NOT ALONE, and there is HELP out there and people who understand your struggle. Getting to know as much about your neurological disorder as possible is the BEST road to success. Episodic migraine is acceptable. Going chronic should be avoided at all costs.
Please please let me know how else I can help. Migraine Advocacy is one of my greatest life’s passions.❤️
You know those migraines that remind you that you’re truly a migraineur? Like, all along you’ve been getting regular migraines and suddenly a whopper imbeds itself in your brain? And you have a sudden realization: Damn, Batman, I really am a Chronic Migraineur!
Today’s has been swinging with a gut punch all the day long: I woke at about 11 am with her. She’s taken state in my right frontal lobe – deep. I’ve had a myriad of well-wishes: Is your botox working yet? (Administered 5 days ago, 37 days late of treatment date). And it makes me feel awfully sad to answer honestly: Thank you so much for asking, but, nah, my head is just a bear and botox normally takes a week or two to “kick in,” and I’m so late on treatment that I don’t anticipate I’ll get the same kind of response as usual… botox is cumulative; I’ve got to get into normal on-time treatment, so I anticipate I won’t see real relief until closer to my next treatment in September, God willing. It is genuinely touching that so many people have followed my trials and followed my advocacy. So very heartwarming. The world is full of good people and kind souls.
I stayed in bed today. I changed my head ice wraps every hour. I rotated my medications, but did not overload. I found the most relief with that one med we Chronic Cats are not supposed to use anymore due to high incidence of possibly causing rebound migraine.
But darn it all, if Fioricet isn’t the most reliable medication! I can count on it, working almost 90% of the time! Maxalt works about 55%, Ubrevly about 60%, Reyvow (still assessing this one since I haven’t used it that long), about 60%.
When I had some relief, I was able to work on baby shower plans, help my husband with honey-do items, and cut his hair! Saucy!
Today’s migraine has been brought to me by extreme weather heat, allergies, and a fun 1.5 hour dinner last night with friends in a restaurant! My husband and I are working intentionally to foster our relationships with dear friends: not only are our friendships too precious not to nurture, but it gives me the amazing treat of dressing up like a human being, relishing our Empty Nest phase, socializing and enjoying a nice meal – the leftovers I can eat for days! Such a major WIN for a Chronic!
I also had most of a gorgeous frozen strawberry margarita – and alcohol certainly makes my migraine events worse.
So now… it’s 4 am and I cannot sleep due to Painsomnia… I’ve taken appropriate medication, have my green light on, and I’ve fired up the Cefaly. Hoping this will put me to sleep… healing sleep.
And I will probably over sleep tomorrow. My husband will wake up at 8, feed the dogs, make coffee, get ready, and give my head a tiny kiss before he heads out to a day in the office for work. I’ll find a cool cup of coffee on my night table when I finally open my eyes and rub away sleep. He is truly the best!
Will I wake up without migraine tomorrow at about 11 am? Will I be able to get dressed and made up while enjoying my favorite podcast? Will I be able to work my biz a little? Work on the baby shower a little? Clean the house a little? Oh what a glorious accomplishment that would be!!!😍 With or without migraine, that would be glorious to have the energy to be that productive!
I’m going to sign off and try to sleep with my zinging and intensly tingling Cefaly and try to sleep now! The TV is on with only the faintest white background noise, and a #BOTOXforChronicMigraine commercial was just played. Oh, the very ironic anecdotes of my Chronic Life!
Peace and love to all who struggle daily! Keep fighting for a Life to Live!
Truth is humbling and embarrassing. You get it when you *get it.*
I remember in my later 30’s when I felt my normal life slipping away, a Saturday where I suddenly could not complete my weekend to do list – collapsing in bed face first I wailed dramatically to my Marc: “What is happening to me!?”
Haven’t really blogged in awhile. I have so many ideas for pointless storeytelling posts. And maybe someday I’ll get them to print. Once… not too long ago, I fancied myself an #AuthortAt49. As my present age of forty-nine is nearly sunsetted, it’s a fact that I’ve done the leanest writing in my life.
The amount of #sucking I exude… emanate… radiate… is dangerously toxic. Run away. RUN. AWAY. Far away. Run fast. If you come into contact with me for more than 15 min, take a hot shower and scrub with lye.
There’s a song for that:
With a taste of your lips, I’m on a ride
You’re toxic, I’m slippin’ under
With a taste of a poison paradise
I’m addicted to you
Don’t you know that you’re toxic?
And I love what you do
Don’t you know that you’re toxic?
It’s Britney, britch..
So why the Diva Donna Sound of Silence? Too much to write about… ✔ plenty of time to write….✔complete lack of motivation… ✔ unsual, nonstop, under-controlled PAIN and symptoms… ✔
10 min mailpod trip today = 25 spoons, capital I do not have
I spend normal waking hours professional TV watching. And literally writhing in pain in bed, doing the RA Weird Bed Stretch, sleeping ungodly amounts of time. Tears… and more tears. Drip💧 drip💧 drip💧
I’m just BARELY existing. Have been coughing from allergies since November (inhaler, nose sprays for treatment). Bizarre sky high BP for a couple months (~150/95)
My doc and I have decided on some changes- including switching from Loratidine D to just Loratidine.
It’s pretty obvious I will have to go on a cardiac BP migraine prevention med again – I was on Nadolol for years for migraine prevention. It never did shit for migraine but I wasn’t hypertensive then. And now my migraine clusters feel very related to my high BP. And I cough with allergies… and crap, my head explodes with pain with each cough💥 cough💥 cough💥
Please no more. The tears start and they don’t stop. I’m crying and crying.
Marc and I quibble and argue about stupid stuff. It’s the same circular train. 1) “Money is tight,” states Marc. Translation: Donna, you literally contribute NOTHING to the marriage & our children’s lives. You’re worth more dead than alive. Strangely and for no reason that I can connect, this conversation and translation leads me to become silent and distant. Kind of like I want to walk off the nearest 55 foot cliff to my death. The next part of the part of Marc’s conversation is, 2) “Can we never TALK about this without you getting upset?” Marc bewildering asks. Not a prob; let’s just get passed the next sentences of me being a big fat burden so we can talk more about not spending money. Which I think we already discussed? Because this is a conversation we’ve had for the last 22 years. And, frankly, it’s BORING. It’s tiresome. And the same exact conversation. And round and round the train goes…
Blah blah blah blabla blah blah
Don’t mind me… I’m just existing in bed 23 hours a day. Vegetation grows inside me, replacing my vital organs… vegetation alongside me, roots form and burrow underneath me, replacing my veins and growing into the mattress, my wings are broken, they are ripped out of their sockets and hacked to bloody stumps. I am a plant stuck. Joy is waning, Joy is untouchable.
As I’m existing here… I lay on my right side… head propped on soft pillows, slice of pain starts at the top of my right head and travels down to my ear. There is a flowering of some beautiful pain in my right temple. My hands hurt… it’s like on a cellular level… the cells of my hands and fingers hurt. How dumb is that? The same cellular pain is in my feet… their joints, and muscle tissue. If I keep them still, maybe I’ll notice it less. The pain up my right thigh and lower back is different and more intense. But overall, there is this covering… like a web or large linen cloth – it envelopes my entire non-ethereal person. It is so present… it reminds me I cannot move… I cannot breathe… there is no me, only a linen sack of body. The tears drip out of my non-ethereal eyes. Drip💧 drip💧 drip💧 Flow. They’ll never stop. All Joy is gone. I’m alone in The Dark Hole. People I loved have left me, turned their backs on me. I can scroll my contact list and it is full of strangers and people I only used to know.
At present, Ukraine is being bombed to rubble. One day Ukraine is wining the war, the next day Russia is. My fav journalist Ben Hall has lost limbs but is alive. Biden says you can’t buy a cannon. Kamala is under the spell of the Significance of the Passage of Time. Boris Johnson (PM UK) toured Kiev with Volodymyr Zelenskyy (Pres Ukraine). Optically, it looked majestic. My dearest niece in law (42) just lost her little bean baby… an IVF baby 11 weeks whose heart stopped beating. Her D&E was Sunday. Courtney rolled her ankle and is in a boot for weeks. I don’t know if Corey is ok. I don’t know if Nick is ok. Robyn seems ok. She broke up with her new boyfriend a couple of days ago and is sad. Courtney’s bestie broke with her BF after 7.5 years, and she is hurting. Sue sends Dave letters showing she is still firmly chaining herself to her personal constructed Hell Loop, and I can’t even imagine the PAIN she is creating for herself. She holds the key to her release but won’t release herself. Eric Adams (mayor NYC) has pulled down the mask mandates EXCEPT for children 2-4 years old. Those babies may not even be potty trained (and certainly they are NOT spreading covid), but they must wear a face mask. I can get another covid vax booster, but I don’t WANT the SAME vax – I want one with updated strains, for crissake. In Florida, insane people don’t want a law passed that doesn’t allow sexual/gender discussion in K-3rd grade. Disney is at war with Ron DeSantis. There’s been a terrible shooting in NYC subway – shooter is not caught yet. China is shutting down for a new strain of covid… yet there has been one death. The world is in ruins. Like the rubble and ruins of Ukraine. There is no Joy. There is only great Sadness. I’m losing friends… I have nothing to give…. my circle of Life closes in, and I’m fashioning myself a Recluse. I used to always be sure in the bond with my husband. Just a few days ago, we were holding each other. And now…
There’s a little black spot on the sun today (That’s my soul up there) It’s the same old thing as yesterday … I have stood here before inside the pouring rain, With the world turning circles running ’round my brain, I guess I’m always hoping that you’ll end this reign, But it’s my destiny to be the king of pain.
Botox Day is HERE! 🎄🎁💉 It’s here! It’s here! One of the 4 most happiest days of the year! Migraines have been an incredible battle the past several weeks R/T weather patterns. And we are supposed to get a nasty storm today… Next #BotoxforChronicMigraine is June!💉 The day of Botox is a sacred day. It isn’t particularly “painful,” but my body and soul feel “violated” by the 40+ tiny subcutaneous injections. So there is an exhaustion accompanied with the procedure… as well as a migraine triggered. When I first started botox over a decade ago, I had no problem going to work right after, or grocery shopping, or whatever. As I get further into my #ChronicMigraine and #ChronicIllness adventure, I seem to need the remainder of botox day for rest, recovery & low activity. It’s important to keep your head elevated and not to rub injection sites for several hours post procedure.👍🏼 The medication starts to work appropriately 5-10 days post injections.💉 My neuro and I plan to add oral Nurtec as a migraine prevention as soon as my insurance submits… this will be a long process of prior authorizations and one-on-one’s between my provider and insurance. Huzzah! Thankfully my neuro is dedicated. 💜❤💜 And I have duck boots now. My mom never got them for me when they were popular when I was a teen. So I’m hitting them up this time in the wonderful cyclical fashion wheel👢 #WaitingRoomShoePic
Embracing the boredom that living with chronic fatigue syndrome has brought some unexpected joys into my life. I still get annoyed at times, but I remind myself of the benefits boredom can bring to both my body and mind. It’s time we started talking about boredom in the chronic illness community and seeing it for what it is — frustrating and wonderful.
I never realized my hands could hurt this much. This is Rheumatoid Arthritis. My hands don’t look that strange – they look kinda normal.
But every bit of them is Pain. Even when they aren’t moving… or doing anything. There is Pain in each little joint. Pain in every small muscle. They feel bloated and large and foreign. How can every bit hurt? How is it possible?
Rheumatoid Arthritis creeped into my life. Slowly. Stealthily. It didn’t arrive with an announcement. It was like a sinister villain who started tiny and grew.
Why had I stopped using my favorite knives to chop and cook? I couldn’t remember. Why was I no longer attending my roses? I couldn’t remember. Why did I no longer use a keyboard to write? I couldn’t remember. Why did my hands and feet swell and hurt so frequently? I would have to sleuth out the reason.
I was diagnosed with RA in the summer of 2013. But as I look back, it had been showing its face and creeping into my body and life at least in 2010.
My rheumatologist would later praise: we caught this early. That’s really good.
But it doesn’t mean RA goes away. She’s here to stay. She is a permanent resident. She can go into remission. She can flare. She can be tucked into a corner or scream and tantrum for attention. She’s part of me and we learn to live together.
mybeautifulmigraine 