Monday started. It was Botox Day!🎉 Which is akin to Christmas morning for a Normal. It’s a BIG flippin’ dealio.

I’ve been looking forward to this day for weeks…since my magic juice ran out ~2-4 weeks ago. I’ve been a Botox regimen patient and going every 12 weeks for Botox injections for migraine prevention for seven years.

When I woke Monday, I had my old pal Pathologic Lethargy saddled up next to my psyche. Sigh. Moving through quicksand in a body full of lead. I muscled through getting ready (shower, hair, makeup), made my protein shake, got in the car and drove to Austin Neurocare. I sang the whole way (Twenty-one Pilots, Imagine Dragons and more) and enjoyed my smoothie.

Arrived on time.

Filled out my Return Patient Form. Took my #WaitingRoomShoePic. Posted to Facebook. Nurse Mary took me back, same intake as always, gave me my gown and left to get Botox.

I had a migraine budding as well as my Pathologic Lethargy. Hence, I was wearing my new pair of Axon Optics I snagged recently on eBay for $75. My back was being a bastard and I had medicated.

Mariah came in the room and we chatted. Small talk about our families and migraine. Then it was time for injections. Nothing unusual.

As usual, I relaxed into my procedure and Mariah poked away. We continued to chat.

But something wasn’t right. I wasn’t feeling right. Mariah moved around to do my forehead. I closed my eyes as usual and followed her directions about frowning. She was done the forehead. I opened my eyes. 

“Mariah I don’t think I’m ok,” I said nonchalantly, “I’m having tunnel vision.” I was covered in sweat already. 

She moved in front of me and calmly braced me from falling out of the chair. She spoke to me quietly and reassuringly.

I know I lost consciousness. She was taking my pulse the whole time. She was saying my name. Calling to me. “It happens all the time. But you’ve never had this reaction?”

“Absolutely not and I’m so sorry.” She assured me there was no need. But I kept apologizing: “I know you have lots of patients; I’m taking too long.” 

My BP was never less than 120/80 which is higher for me. Mariah finished by injecting my jaw. My favorite spots.

This episode felt very similar to my panic attacks…almost identical. Which begs the question: why? Why a panic attack? Was it from migraine?

It took me so long to recover. I stayed in the room awhile. I walked to the waiting room and sat there until Mary suggested I make my next appointment.

I made my next appointment for Botox, got in my car and waited. Then I made the difficult drive home. I was ready to pull over and vomit. But I made it. Couldn’t stop for mail or run an arrand. Made it home.

Crawled into bed. And stayed there. And then my day was done. So dumb.

When I posted about my odd appointment on Facebook:

Not so great today. First time in seven years I passed out cold. Made it home. Bed all day with ice. Chronic Migraines are so fun😄 Hope your Monday is shiny!💜

I received tons of kind, supportive and concerned comments. Which surprised me. Because to me, it was same ol’, same ol’ and not that exciting. Lol. 

Marc asked me later why I didn’t call him to pick me up. Um…I dunno… Probably because that would involve me asking for help. I don’t need help! Help is for other people! Doi!😜

I’ve been dealing with less stable depression of late. Anxiety seems status quo. Sacroiliac is tantruming after being relatively quiet for weeks. I’m ridiculously overweight. I’m lonely. I’m feeling alone. I’m feeling irrelevant. Just part of the road I walk. Things are bothering me more. I’m working hard in EMDR with Shanna. More on that later. I described to Shanna: “It feels like I’m an open head wound walking around my life. More than usual.”

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