Have been thinking a lot. Maybe obsessing. Not ready to write my feelings down yet. Not sure what they are.

My head has been meh – not too bad, not pain-free but not demanding all my attention. My back has been bothering me – not too bad, definitely hurting but not demanding all my attention. I’m fat and flabby and tired. And it’s really hot and disgusting. 

Trying to rest and recover from week-long houseguests (absolutely overwhelming and waaay outside my abilities), a head injury on Friday, my friend with breast cancer (and the millions of conflicting/confusing emotions and thoughts with that)…then there’s my illnesses…and adjusting to whatever life I’m supposed to be living. And my biz, which I love and suck at.

I’m confused. I’m overwhelmed. I’m disappointed in myself. I’m in chaos. And alone. I’m breathing but I can’t catch my breath and the air is stale and close. Blah blah blah blah. Snore.

Getting lost in smokey eye sounds therapeutic. 

Sometimes I can be a real shit.

So caught up in myself; so caught up in my pain…in the life of a chronic migraineur…my life and struggle, that I disregard another’s struggle. I’m a flawed human. I claim to be so empathetic when I’m really envious. Flaw. Sin.

I think I made a discovery about myself today. It’s time to stop making it all about Migraines and my daily struggle. There are other horrible things; others enduring pain and suffering. Yes, I’m an advocate for CM and RA and chronic invisible illness but sometimes I might be needed as a friend.

Someone said to me today, “She really misses you. She talks about you all the time.”

God, I’m so so sorry. How could I be so blind? And so hyperfocused on myself?