Posted on by MyBeautifulMigraine

The big L

Forever determined to show up—for others, for myself, for my life. Even when chronic illness changes the way that happens, the intention stays the same: to be present, to care, and to keep choosing connection.

Get UP.

Get DRESSED.

Show UP.

And NEVER GIVE UP!

Marc came to me this weekend, took my hand, looked me kindly in the eye, and said I needed to end my business; after 3 years, it hasn’t been financially beneficial. This came out of left field. And I just sat there … listening to him, tears leaking out of my eyes. Of course he’s right, I know it – I truly suck as a businesswoman. This isn’t a secret. I know it, he knows it. But that was never my primary WHY. My business makes me feel so much purpose: to serve women, to be involved in something bigger than how small my world has become. I’ve been working so hard, every single day – often from my bed – to create building blocks. I’ve pushed myself beyond limits I thought I had. I’ve dreamed. I’ve troubleshooted. I’ve been creative. I’ve been super frustrated. But I’ve had such joy. I’ve spoken to myself kindly, and I’ve never given up – “one foot in front of the other” every single day. And through it all, I’ve had only one, ONE person, who believed in me; only ONE single PERSON in the whole world who took this journey WITH me, cheered me on, helped me. He’s actually the reason I started this business in the first place; he wanted me to do this! Not any of my friends, not any of my family, never a mentor, no one, NO ONE, but him.

And now… he’s dipping out.

What am I feeling? Depression, stupidity, failure, foolishness, embarrassment, smallness, silliness, so much grief and sadness, even a bit of betrayal? I feel like here we go again, another fail in a long list of life failures. I don’t know. We’ll have to have more and more and more talks. What if I tell him, No, I want to keep going – my WHY means too much for me? … even without his support?

I just do not know. And it’s honestly boring to exist in such a STUPID state of self-absorbtion and self-pity. BORING and embarrassing! I do not like being here. Shame and isolation… there you ARE, I see you, old friends! Welcome home and back into my soul, my shadow, and my brain. It’s been a minute. We’ll get to know each other again.🫂

Am I seeking pity? Encouragement? An atta-boy? Nah, I think I just want to crawl into a hole and wallow all by myself. Alone is my safe place to be. I never take myself very seriously, I’m a goofball, a little zany, a spaz …. but I AM always authentically ME.

I had a WHY that was so crystal clear and personal and so important to me, gave me intention and made me very proud. These things happen. Sometimes, you can’t spin it – you just have to own it. And I’ll let it stand here in my heart, perfectly imperfect. As the kids say, the Diva Donna cabi … is just lame and another fail.

It’s about JOY!
I just feel so … so … stupid.

Posted on by MyBeautifulMigraine

My last Neuro appt; a realization!

At my last botox appointment, my Neuro asked me about my chronic migraine status. Sometimes keeping track of Chronic Migraine can be so completely depressing, so I admit I’ve slacked off on my tracker phone apps. But I thought a bit about my recent experiences before answering the question… I realized that while I have migraine symptoms every single day (🙄 of course… photophobia, lethargy, pain, phonophobia, brain fog, and so much more), I really only have about 2 migraine episodes a week that last approximately ~24 hours with treatment. This is an exceptional improvement, for sure. And I truly am grateful 🙌🏼


This solid progress is is a result of my Chronic Migraine regimen right now: •Botox every 12 weeks, •Nurtec (as a preventive) every other morning, •Nadolol 10mg and Tizanidine 4mg every night. For abortive treatment, I still have a plethora to cycle: Reyvow, Maxalt, Ubrelvy, Butalbitol, Sumatriptan injection, Phenergen, Indomethacin.

However, some very SAD news in my migraine world: Reyvow is being pulled because it isn’t making enough money for the company. I’m so unhappy: I really, really like Reyvow for those particularly bad or nighttime migraines… so I’m trying to fill my script as much as possible before the medication sunsets forever.

Discontinuation of Reyvow® (lasmiditan) for Acute Migraine Treatment: What To Do Next – Association of Migraine Disorders https://share.google/RrDGctNMDlPP7hmX0


While I was thrilled to acknowledge this solid Migraine win, my buddies Rheumatoid Arthritis and Sacroiliac Joint Dysfunction still are a huge part of my Chronic Illness daily life. And they never let me forget it!


Love you all… Warriors: keep up the fight!💪🏼💜

My grandbaby time; I LIVE for it! Daisy is almost 3 months, Theo is almost 2.5 yrs. 🩵🩷 GiGi life is the absolute BEST!💖

Still overwhelmed trying to work my biz… but it’s amazing for feeding my soul to serve women, flexibility and honoring friendships.

https://cabi.cabionline.com/TheDivaDonna

Cefaly FTW! – use at least 1-3x a month.
Me at cabi Spring 26 Fashion Week in between sessions… This is how – spend most of my life😂 REST is ESSENTIAL; it isn’t the same as lazy.
MY sweetest and most reliable supporter, Mr Kobo. He is everything ❤️
I haven’t been able to exercise in ages, but I’m actually BIKING now! Our kids got us ebikes for Christmas and we LOVE it!!!🚲

Of course as I type this, I’m quite sick with a head cold. 🫩 It’s not the flu, it’s not very serious, but having “just a cold” while battling Chronic Illness and a compromised immune system is the ultimate injustice! I’ve been incapacitated the last 5 days and hope tomorrow is a better day!😊

Posted on by MyBeautifulMigraine · 1 Comment

Crescent moon migraine morning

And there it is this morning… it’s a crescent shape in my left frontal forehead. A crescent moon shape of pain… a rumbling brawl that will not be silenced; complaining, grumbling, muttering… demanding to be noticed. And so, yes, I acknowledge you, Migraine. The crescent slides down into my left eye. There it is: Chronic Migraine.  I admit it to myself again that – verily – I do have Chronic Migraine. We forever walk hand-in-hand. Old frenemies; recognizing each other every day. Each day the sun rises, arcs across the sky, and sets, as the moon follows. There are no holidays. There are no resets. There are no interruptions… our relationship is built on rock and resolve. We are in this body – and share this life together. There is no cure for Chronic Migraine.

I’m listening to you crescent moon. I hear you. When I close my eyes… when I open them… I hear you. And I recognize and know you.

It is time for me to be honest, and it is time for migraine medication. I’ve moved back to my prison bed… supine pose… I took a maxalt with Marc’s assist because he is just that awesome and I love him dearly with my whole soul.

And the riddles start immediately: will the medicine work on crescent moon? If I stop here, right now… supine in my prison bed, resting, releasing every tenion in my Chronic Migraine body; a state of intentional repose… will the maxalt start to erase the constant fierce ache slipping into my eye? Will it do anything? Will my body just ignore the maxalt? Or will it stand at attention, metabolize and perform as it is intended, and silence the crescent? Always the same riddles. It’s boring. It’s tedious. It’s stupid. It’s repetitive. It’s the same old story and just a new day.

As I bring this small post to a close (keeping only one eye open and intentionally reslaxing), I can report that the crescent is quieting. For now, at this time, maxalt is working. 🌙 And that is a wonderful, wonderful thing.

Posted on by MyBeautifulMigraine · 2 Comments

Migraine is poorly understood

Migraine remains a poorly understood illness…The syndrome is too various, too complex, to mixed up with external stimuli and the personality of the sufferer..I have come to understand that my headaches are cyclical and that they play a part in my emotional economy.. The truth is that separating neurological from pschiatric problems is often artificial..

Siri Hustvedt, from “Arms at Rest,” excerpted from “So Much More than a Headache: Understanding Migraine through Literature, Edited by Kathy O’Shea

Posted on by MyBeautifulMigraine

12 hours of mini coma

Let me tell you a tiny story about Chronic Illness.

Last night was a typical night… I’d rested all day. No makeup, no clothes, just PJs and ice and heat and medicine. I fell asleep at 02:00 am. with my head wrapped in ice and 2 heating pads on my back and right hip. Mini coma ensued. I dreamt. I kept sleeping.

At 2:00 pm, I woke up. Detangled myself from heating pad cords, got to the restroom, and took my morning meds.

A 12 hour mini coma. Restful, right? Nope. I’m absolutely EXHAUSTED. My head has a mild migraine, my back is screaming. I slipped back into bed.

It’s now 5 pm, and here I lie. Changing my head wrap ice, laying on the heater, and binging Millionaire Matchup on Netflix. I’ve had some coffee and my medicine. I can’t face getting up to actually eat anything because I’m too tired.

How can anyone be tired after 12 hours of sleep? 🙋🏻‍♀️

And that, my friends, is Chronic Illness.

It controls my life, it is bigger than my life. It’s a huge monster, and I’m this tiny spark of a person living under its smothering  layers and layers. It makes me very sad. Never in a million years could I have imagined this kind of existence. I had no idea it was a possibility. As they say: with Chronic Illness, you don’t get it until you get it.

Maybe I’ll be adventurous and actually get a small snack when I get some new head ice? Wish me luck!

Hello World and all that inhabit it!😊

#ChronicIllness #ChronicMigraine #ChronicPatient