Lead & Cement

Pathologic Lethargy.
It is definitely a thing. So tired and achy… Can only sleep… Moving in a lead and cement body with a foggy half brain.

Postdrome: Today I’m experiencing Postdrome as I was taken down by a stress induced migraine last evening. Like a knife in the left eye and the whole top of my noggin. Grateful to my darling husband and children for taking care of each other after I thew a dinner together. Woot. Yesterday evening required a full “migraine cocktail” which is four medications – one an injection – and a mini coma to sleep the Event away.

“Postdrome is often referred to as ‘the migraine hangover,’ the official term for that wrung out, exhausted, headachy feeling migraineurs experience after the most painful and intense phase of their migraine attack has passed. Calling this stage, the fourth in a migraine attack, a ‘migraine hangover’ strikes a chord the clinical definition does not.”

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Dream: The Bomb Inside My Brain

I was me in my dream. Either I or someone else had placed a small bomb inside my nose near my brain. Had I done it as a form of self-sacrifice so not to reveal “my secrets” to the “agents” or people around me? Or had someone placed it there as a form of torture.

I somehow felt I had done it and now I could not deactivate it. There were people around me – these “agents”? One woman was particularly involved with me. (This dream had some similar feel to the bomb placed this way in a Mission Impossible movie)

Everyone around me seemed to have completely given up the notion of deactivating the bomb. We were just waiting. I could feel the pressure rising in my head and I became quite anxious how it would feel to have a tiny bomb go off near my brain. The woman in white coat placed her hand over the right side of my face and eye (to help with the explosion? So my eye would not pop out of my head?). But I truly felt alone as I faced this impending detonation and doom – in a room full of people, watching me. I squeezed my eyes shut and clenched my jaw tight and prepared for the bomb. Feelings and thoughts and fears came rushing thru me but I had no time to consider them as my doom was coming.

I felt the explosion deep in my right side of my head, near my eye. I think I woke on some level but was still asleep…noting that I was still alive, damage unknown. It was painful. I wondered if my eyes was still there? Was I still me? Did my brain still function?

The dream was over and I was awake. You’d think with a migraine. Instead, its a deep pain…near the center of my brain behind my eyes. It is a level 5 on the migraine spectrum and disturbing.

Was the white coat, nice lady representative of my doctors – trying to help, by putting her hand on the side of my head to control the blast? Had I put the bomb there myself? What would I be like now – how much damage had the explosion caused?

This dream comes at a time when Marc and I have decided not to move forward with the neurostimulator Omega Procedure thru Houston’s Migraine Treatment Center. I just don’t feel confident about it as a permanent solution.

 

A Flare

It’s like every cell in my body aches or hurts or is screaming out in pain. It feels like a flu in my bones, muscles, cells. I feel feverish and weak and so uncomfortable and lethargic beyond lethargy. Would heat help? Ice? An ice bath? Or just a mini coma to sleep thru the Flare.

Is it real? Am I making it up? Am I sane or crazy cra?

Curl up in a ball and cry to sleep. Tomorrow will be better. Tomorrow will be better.a08c20cc3272b3836a8133e1c2a9ba69