But who really gives a shit? Same old, same old. I’m just a little Rockstar in my own little rock star universe. When I post these updates on Facebook, no one really knows what to say anymore. I should just stop posting so much about The Chronic stuff. It’s awkward. So very awkward.
That which does not kill me only makes me weirder and harder to relate to.
Just shutting up would make everyone more comfortable. I know there are a ton of Pain Warriors out there who simply shut up; they don’t talk about it. Donna has always been Niagra-fucking-mouth, tho.
Therapy today with Lisa. I realized what’s really been upsetting me with the kids. I feel ignored. Ignored X 5. It’s probably my own fault and I’m just being hypersensitive. I do not know what to do. I would love 5 days off for good behavior, either to go to a Sanitarium or the Cayman Islands. Being ignored, feeling like a burden, pathological lethargy, varying pain and oppressive summer heat… it’s all so totally exhausting. My soul feels like a thin wet rag. Although my body shape borders on obese. And I am overwhelmed with feelings of uselessness. Such a waste of space. Not really successful at anything accept feeling useless and guilty. My biz is a joke and so am I.
And my allergy asthma cough is back really bad. Productive, hacking, disgusting cough. Sometimes it leaves me in fits, gaping. I could collect a jar of sputum. Fucking gross.
Date night with Marc tonight. I’m so tired and I need to make a dinner for the kids. Joy.