First, I kept living because I was nursing my baby girl. She needed me.
Later, I kept living because there was no way I could subject my wonderful husband and amazing children to finding my lifeless body.
Now, I realize that even tho I feel like a burden to them and a waste of space, they cannot collect on my life insurance.
I need to keep living. I need to believe it will get better. I need to believe that no matter how useless I feel, I am a decent mother to them and I cannot saddle them with the stigma and burden that their mother took her own life. I can’t do that to them. I have to keep trying. I can’t stop. I need to keep living, loving, laughing. I must.