^ why does this image affect me so? So many many times I’ve believed completely that the world would be better off without me. So many times I’ve contemplated ending my life.

Put a Christmas Eve together.

Woke early…A little biz video…Got to nail spa. By the time I got home, the weather and midcycle hormones were murdering my brain.

Murder. Meds. Ice. Heater for back. Back to bed. Marc was amazing – getting the kitchen cleaned etc.

We were able to put appetizers together (our typical Christmas Eve dinner). We got to Lakeway Church with Courtney. Oh man, so so loud. Almost rock concert loud. Really nice service. Silent night with candlelight❤ The best.

I thought – there was a part of me that missed having my parents here. And a bigger part of me that felt guilty for enjoying not having my parents here. What does that all mean? No idea.

At home, we snacked, opened new matching PJs and stockings. Marc and I – our first year having stockings ❤

So much Owie. To bed.