I dreamt of my grandmother 2 nights ago.

I was never very close to her. She died from influenza and heart complications when I was a teen – about ~28 years ago. I remember not crying when it happened. This disturbed me so much; I thought something was wrong with me. I sobbed to a counselor in college about it. She looked at me funny, “Um, you’re crying right now.” 😨 Doi. I was! She said that my reaction was ok…Not everyone, even members of our family, are a devasting loss for us. I felt more as a source of strength for my cousin and mother at the time of the funeral. So that was my role.

I feel like I never really knew her. We’d rarely see each other, we never connected on anything but a social level. It was awkward. I did love her; I didn’t know her. She didn’t know me – well, besides what my mother told her about me. We shared no special experiences.

In my dream it was raining and nighttime and I was trying to find a parking spot at the hospital where my grandmother was a patient. I got to her room, and there she was…Standing in the room in a thin, white robe. She was obviously confused w dementia. I couldn’t really see her face. I took her gently in my arms and held her. And kept hugging her. It felt marveloous. I knew she was having glaucoma surgery soon for a very unstable (?) left eye, so I was very careful not to touch her face.

It was serene. It reminded me of the warm embrace of family. If there’s such a thing.
Then it got weird: her room was being watched and we found 2 pairs of super nightvision binoculars hidden in the shades of her hospital room. She let me have a pair. I was all excited about the idea of a gift from her. I couldn’t remember one before.