Dr of Chi, Gayle worked on my sacroiliac this morning…mostly. The rain is here and 40° weather, but my head wasn’t too bad this morning. I described it as a veil of pain in the right side of my head.

The acupuncture treatment was great (and *only* $82. with no insurance coverage) and my hips and back still feel good tonight. I developed a hematoma from one needle on my right outer thigh. Ow. My head, however, only lasted 45 minutes. Then the migraine began to blossom. I skipped the senior parent meeting because I’d forgotten a jacket and was too cold. But was on my way to see Shanna for EMDR after noon when my head was doing it’s thing.

I’ve started “reading” again with Audible. Because reading books hurts my head too much (😢). I love reading. However, with so much driving to appointments, Audible should work out great.

Shanna’s appt was very good…and very painful. She worked on my head for quite awhile – integrated EMDR and cranial compression, but the thing was not budging. I told her it was “dug in like an Alabama tick.” And had she ever seen the movie Predator? Because I talk in movie quotes.

I wondered to her if the quote was an insult to Alabamans, but we didn’t think so.

The tears were flowing today… brought on by migraine and unstable depression and she told me I didn’t have to wipe them away. I told her my depression had been out of control lately and she was intent to hear more. I admitted that my depression wouldn’t be such a problem if I didn’t suck so bad. Valid observation, surely.

She asked me to describe my depression to her and I went off on the Black Box description that I’ve used for so many years: Black Box, can’t feel the bottom, don’t know how to climb out, a complete sense of Aloneness… Absolutely terrifying. What she said next was facsinating. Apparently, this is not an unusual description from people who battle depression and have also had a narcissistic parent. In fact, it’s a theme. She thinks it goes back to “the crib.” Where as a young child, a mortal fear developed – somehow. Not intentionally, of course.

I sat there slack-jawed. Omg. This was a theme? 😲 Wowza.

When she took me out of the box during EMDR (she used the doggies since I couldn’t *find* a way out by myself), she asked me to connect with Marc. I found this part nearly impossible. Because if I connected with him, would he not be exposed to the Blackness? That concept horrified me; I had to protect him.

The rain continued all day. And my migraine mounted. I finally tried to open a Maxalt triptan about 5pm.

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