Today was July 29. It was a Wednesday. It was in the 90’s. It was sunny with some clouds. My husband worked virtually from home, as per coronavirus shutdown since March 18. My three kids played video games, went food shopping, made dinner, cleaned the kitchen, got the mail, took out the garbage and fed the animals. I saw them briefly, waved and greeted them with a big smile. I puttered: I showered and dressed, I binged Netflix, I worked with ebay and Amazon returns, I ran several college prep loads of laundry and tried to get some supplies organized for the 2 college boys. I made only the most minimal prep done.

But today… every second was painful. Beyond painful – that’s an inaccurate description. My hand and feet joints are screaming, every movement sent my lower back into theatrical spasms, even lying in bed, my sacroiliac is off the charts. I had my massager running all day long. But then there’s my head… it reminded me of hangover x10. The pain was not so high, but the symptoms? Ridiculous. Vertigo, nausea, so hungry, vomiting, dull and burning aching head pain, exhaustion, depression, difficulty focusing my eyes, brain fog, photosensitivity… just a large lump of no energy pain flesh.

I can’t believe how colasally BAD this Tuesday was. I spat out a couple brief texts in responses. I answered a couple FB posts. I couldn’t sleep… just laid in this soft bed prison, while life passed by.

I pissed and moaned. Marc would say he was so sorry I was feeling so badly. I would say I’m so sorry I’m complaining all the time. …and then I would begin the weeping and moaning all over again.

It’s now Thursday, the next day. July 30, 0100 hours. Time for sleeping. Lying on my side with 4 pillows, 2 heaters – on my right upper thigh and lower back. Fresh ice on my throbbing head – the pain is stinging in the left temporal. I have a second ice on my jaw. My hands are hurting. My feet are hurting much more – can you BELIEVE how many tiny joints there are in feet?? Believe me, I FEEL every single one. My piriformis’ are aching like crazy – and symmetrically – which is odd, if not interesting. I am waiting for medicines to kick in: there’s Phenergen in there for nausea and migraine. There’s some tizanidine for relaxing these screaming muscles. And there’s other stuff.

It’s hard… I’m trying to stretch, calm my aches by deep breathing. I think I may be starting to relax. I could find oblivion… and shed this insane pain for a few hours.

And maybe Thursday will feel better? A new day would be great. Because if someone took me out today, I just don’t think I’d complain.

Today. Living was So. Damn. Hard.

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