Chronic Migraine … is an ocean you can’t swim out of. It is dark, unfamiliar room where you stumble over unknown objects and trip with arms outstretched – you can’t find the walls – and certainly not the door that leads you out. Is there even a door out in this dark room?
Chronic migraine … is the nightmare you cannot wake up from. It’s so long and real, you forget you’re dreaming.
The brief reprieve moments from symptoms are fleeting and often tainted by Chronic Migraine – like watching a beautiful sunrise through a filthy window and from beneath a dark veil over your face.
Chronic Migraine … invites itself in to your body – to your life and moves into the command center. It becomes a part of your whole body, your whole life, your loved one’s lives – dark and sinister – like mold spreading, like disease metastisizing.
Looking in the mirror … there are parts of me I can recognize … I can feel me when I laugh and when I’m having a rare moment of disease reprieve. I’m in this body somewhere … behind the dark under-eye circles, beneath the extra pounds, beneath the crap joints and the dark thoughts, relentless pain, and short temper. I can lay in a bed all day and not feel the least bit rested – just utterly exhausted. That amazes me everytime. I’m sooo bloody TIRED! Someone turn OFF the Tired, PLEASE!
Chronic Migraine … cannot erase me completely … although it seems that is its goal.
I push one bone-weary foot in front of the other. I’m skilled at log-rolling out of bed. I can identify medications with my eyes closed and in the dark by shaking the bottles – that one is a capsule, that one is a tiny pill. Like an athlete trains for their best physical performance, I know how to reserve and conserve my energy – for days – in order to accomplish the most basic life tasks.
I am a Chronic Migraine Jedi. Many years I have trained. The Force is with me and I am one with the Force.
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