mybeautifulmigraine

Lots of injections today. Thank you Mariah. We sympathized with each other about the recent Austin weather. Talked about the joys of turning to Phenergen when there’s nothing else.

She injected Serapin all over the back of my head, neck, shoulders, temples, head, jaw. The lido makes my head feel like jelly, the skin is numb to touch, but there’s a migraine brewing in there deep in the right side, behind the eye… Deep. 

Nothing unusual.

When she injects the occipital nerves, it’s the weirdest sensation: I can feel the cold solution making its way up my occipital nerve in the back of my head to the top. 

We talked about the election. We talked about family. She suggested in everything, reflect back Love. 

I will strive for that. But I will protect myself too.

Starbucks for being a star patient🌟 Must run today and imitate a Normal.💜

Nothing seems to really make the cough go away. I’m prescribed Asthmanex and Dymista, and Ventolin for emergency.

A couple weeks ago, I could tell it was getting infected and my doc prescribed 10 days of Cednifir which really helped.

I have decent days and bad days. Days where I can barely breathe and I’m so robbed of O2, I’ve got to lie down. It’s the grossest sounding cough ever. So productive. I apologize to my family 10x a day for the cough. They promise me it’s ok. I’m so glad it’s not contagious, at least. Insurance (Cigna) still refuses CT scan. I follow up with pulmonologist at the end of the month. I know Cedar season is coming and will be a bleeding nightmare. Gross.

If I never knew pain, oh the Joy I’d never experience.

One thing is for darn sure: I have medical care. I see my specialist team more than 3x month. 

Still defending myself from a cruel comment meant to harm. Hypocrites are most amazing creatures. They don’t even know they’re hypocrites… They just keep breathing and moving and attempting to mame anyone in their path.

There will never be an apology. And that’s ok. Cuz she could never mean it; she is incapable of seeing the ugly inside. A heart that yearns to be full of love…keeps trying. But only succeeds in covering up the ugly. Just cover it up. There’s even a plastic surgery for that.

🔪🌹 

For so long I tried to only see the sincere attempts to be “good.”🦂 No, I’m not crazy. I just have open eyes. And I’m done being gentle.

I won’t defend myself. Becuz I know. Even when I don’t want to know… I know. I have eyes that see and ears that hear and a heart that listens and a heart that truly loves.

A sad mystery for some; as if they can only see thru cloudy glass. Monsters.

No apologies. Attacks but no apologies. But that’s okay. Distance from toxicity is okay. I apologized even tho I only followed my conscience. These people are toxic and dysfunctional. And it hurts. But I cannot be around toxic people who think these things. 

If you walked in my shoes for one day, you would fall on the first step.

Farewell. God bless.🌹