http://www.naabt.org/addiction_physical-dependence.cfm

So simple. Yet almost completely and always misunderstood by the public. 

Getting real tired of your shit, Migraine.

Someone…Please….A crowbar to my brain.

I just don’t know what I have left…In bed finally. And what a dumb day. A nothing day. I woke w migraine. I medicated and rested. I cancelled one meeting to recover. I showered and got pretty and went to therapy @4. The wind is whipping around the cedar. Just a few minutes outdoors and I’m coughing and hacking like it’s 1810 and I’m dying of consumption. My head just can’t put together any pain-free time without meds and rest. I’m existing on vapors.

I stopped at the pharma on my way home but my maxalt is delayed becuz they didn’t have enough stock. 9 pills? Reeeeaaalllly? Whatev. I’ve been eating triptans more than usual becuz my brain is almost always in migraine re pollen, weather, cough, hormones. 

I had a Costco dinner I could throw in the oven tonight. It was actually a nice family dinner – all of us – probably the last time since Ken and Courtney go back to college on Sunday. We had the Family Feud playing and we were all laughing and eating. 

Moments…Life is just Moments. We don’t get any other luxuries.

After dinner, I retired to my bedroom where I could suffer in silence…My gas cramps (from hormones), my migraine, my hacking cough and my fat rolls. I feel like such a failure as a wife. All I do is ask Marc to give me shots (Humira tonight) and get ice. And my kids? I’m like a shadow of a mother to them. Just a shadow…Sometimes there, often dark. 

Shadow Mother. Half Life.

Mini coma, please. I dare not list the medications prescribed and required since my sister in law’s ugly low blow attack on me in November.

Plans for tomorrow include: doing laundry, freezing some crockpot dinners, getting Ken ready for second semester, and prepping for my college friend’s visit: Sat eve to Tues AM (I gotta turn up the jam for that!). There will be lots of driving for my friend Nancy…Gotta drive to San Antonio Sat (1.5 hours each way) to pick her up, drive into Austin Sunday (only 30-40 min each way) to show her sights and then drive to Waco on Monday to visit Chip and Joanna’s Magnolia Market silos (2 hour drive each way). Marc will drive Nanner bananers to the airport on Tues AM. We haven’t seen each other since 1994 and I love this girl to pieces! She’s so easy to talk to, our husbands are so similar and we have kids the same age (she has one boy and girl). I’m really looking forward to her visit.❤

And now, my good and caring friends, I will cease my ramblings and apologize for your reading all this.

If I could just get a break on one thing – like less gas cramps – that’s not too much to ask???

Anyway. I love you all. I’m able to live with your help and guidance. God bless you all – good and restful night sleeps, princesses of New England.

Cedar is kicking ass here. It brings on migraine, cough, sore throat, itchy eyes, nasal congestion and horrible fatigue.

So grateful Marc could drive us down to meet up for dinner with Joanne Lee – one of my long-time internet mommy support buddies. She lives in Maine and was in San An for a photographer conference, winning awards. 😊

Made me feel like an accomplished person to be able to go to dinner. 😊 Legit real person.

On the way home to Austin we stopped at Bucc-ee’s. Jen Leslie is so much in my thoughts…It is coming up on the year anniversary of her suicide.

I woke with Pathologic Lethargy. Kept setting the timer for 15 min to help kids and ask Marc to check on them. He reluctantly helps. And apparently doesn’t even check them as they leave. They are teens and should be able to do this by themselves.

Able to crawl out of bed and shower at 9. Pathologic Lethargy is stupid.

Botox w Mariah NP @11:30. Decent appt but Botox is really triggering my head today. Or allergies. Or hormones. I asked for a ton in my forehead.

Back home. Make crockpot dinner. Back out for Megan NP appt.

Then Trader Joe’s for food. Back home. Kids home. Robyn’s hair is full of grease and dandruff. She went to school like that. I’m wigging out cuz she’s 13 and doesn’t know how to wash her hair. Nick is arguing with me becuz he wants to protect his sister. It’s a cluster mess. And my head gets worse.

Music lessons for Nick and Robyn. I have to run to the USPO for biz. Driving in the dark is even worse for my head.

Home. I hug Robyn. Finish dinner. Can’t eat it…Migraine is too damn bad – about an 8. Will need cocktail. Shipt groceries are coming in an hour. And Marc is home now. They all are eating dinner. I’m in bed. Marc asked if he could bring me anything. I asked for a coke. He forgot. I’ll go get it myself.

So much sadness today. There is no joy.

I keep up my daily yoga and free weights. Gotta cut the carbs. Gotta come to grips with my chronic body. You’d think the cosmos would at least let me be skinny and sick. Is that SO much to ask? Sheesh.

Damn my head is a week world of pain.

I think I am slipping into mini come

Rest 

This was Monday. 

Cedar is bad here. And the weather is in and out. My head is not a happy camper but it’s also not out of control horrible. So there’s that. 

I’ve done very little today and yesterday…Trying to stay inside away from cedar…Running my essential oils diffuser 24/7. My back is laying low. My head yelling and my cough is a prick.

Relax. Migraine is here to stay. Bring it some slippers and a drink. Don’t be a barbarian.