I watched the little robot clean today.

I ran my ice down…Can’t get it cold enough for my head.

Heating pad on SIJD today. Gut improving. But still…So much gas cramping and pain.

Maybe I’ll be better tomorrow.🌞 Surely next week.🌞🌞

I lost my cool with Nick today. He pushed me over my breaking point. Maybe becuz I’m hurting. Maybe becuz he’s run out of chances. Maybe becuz I’m a bad mother.

Swearing and screaming at the computer again while gaming. So. Loud. So. Stupid.

He didn’t answer my call to him to reprimand him. I went upstairs and told him to get off. He was sassy and rude. I started turning off the computer. He was more sassy. I started pulling the computer apart and this is where the tiny thread holding my sanity snapped. I threw a little roller desk chair at him and slapped his face. He continued to mock me. I screamed at him: Stop it! Stop it! Stop it! Stop it! Left the room, went to my room, texted Marc who couldn’t help cuz he was in transit on the way home. My left eye was twitching from insanity. 

I calmed down and wrote a list: Nicholas’ Rules for living in this house. I came up with 10. In there he’s lost computer ​gaming altogether. Deleting his STEAM account. So sad. It was something they all enjoyed. But Nick must be some kind of stupid a**hole.

Nine months. Nine months. We’ve been saying: 

Stop swearing and screaming at the computer. Stop swearing and screaming at the computer. Stop swearing and screaming at the computer. 

We talked about ways to deal with his anger and frustration. We practiced them. He promised to do better. He didn’t.

Stop swearing and screaming at the computer. Stop swearing and screaming at the computer. Stop swearing and screaming at the computer.
We took away privileges. Smaller to bigger. We talked about his anger and frustration. We talked about how to handle it. How to step back. We discussed the fact that it’s only a game. And he promised again. And failed.

Stop swearing and screaming at the computer. Stop swearing and screaming at the computer. Stop swearing and screaming at the computer. Stop swearing and screaming at the computer. Stop swearing and screaming at the computer. Stop swearing and screaming at the computer. Stop swearing and screaming at the computer. Stop swearing and screaming at the computer. Stop swearing and screaming at the computer.
Well…I guess we all discovered my breaking point today. And ooooo, was it fun. Marc joined in to help. He even lost his temper with that idiot kid.

I apologized to Nick and read him his new list. Marc printed off a list of 100 simple manners for Nick to study.

I believe the computer is the culprit. It creates this Nerd Rage in some of my kids. That’s so freaking STUPID. Just STUPID.

 Have kids they said. It’ll be fun, they said.

I totally suck at it.