Normal fun!


It’s always exciting to do something “normal” and fun. It takes planning and determination and tempering to pull it off but there are some definite experiences WORTH it. My daughter will be traveling in a few days and I’m anxious to spend some time with her. So we went out this afternoon for an hour.

One thing I can never control is the weather. A tremendous number of migraineurs are triggered by it’s fluctuations. So much so, that my neuro has a barometer right next to the phone. The reading can tell them when the migraine patients will be calling for help.

Personally, my neurological system is so incredibly sensitive…I am horribly triggered by barometric changes, wind, sun, rain, humidity, allergens, etc. It’s just no fun. And until some genius post millennial creates an EnviroBubble (72°, 12% humidity) to encase us in, my weather migraines are going no where fast. 

As Robyn and I were sitting enjoying our pedis, my head began to swell.😢 Hooray. A reminder and reprimand from my dark passenger that my head is not solely my own to live in.

I ignored it…tried to. Chronic Migraineurs spend hours and days TRYING to ignore pain. What else can we do? *Smash our heads through windows? *Slam a brick at our face? *Step in front of a bus? *Lie down immediately in the fetal position and wait for someone to do something? *Stop breathing immediately? *Take a *gasp* pill (that may or may not work, that has a stigma, that depletes us of our itty bitty baby-size monthly supply) …or…*Maybe we can just IGNORE and pretend it isn’t happening. That swell behind my eyes in the brain pan is just nothing. It’s nothing.

Exactly FIVE MINUTES later, a Texas thunder and lightening storm moved in. It was truly dramatic; big downpour, lights flickered, strikes close, etc.

I owe my head an apology. I never trust it with the weather. Never. Because everyone thinks I’m weird and crazy and it’s embarrassing. So I keep my phoney baloney​ predictions to my own self.

Just ignore the pain. Because your docs and society is telling you, living life without being in pain every freaking day ain’t for you. So suck it up, buttercup and ignore it. Where’s that smile?




Don’t want a pill, want a cure.

Not seeking meds, seeking relief.
Somewhere along the line, chronic pain peeps just got swept under the acceptable societal rug. Pretty sure back in the day, they just all ended themselves to end the suffering. Isn’t that a pleasant thought?

The Awkwardness

That awkwardness.
How do you talk to someone with a chronic illness, like chronic migraines? What do you say?
First and foremost, I don’t have to talk about it ALWAYS… while it’s part of me, it’s not ALL of me, by any means! Sure, I’m a freaking expert by default on the disorder, but I am so much more! I love having fun with friends, talking about our mom jobs and children, my passion for my Younique biz and empowering women, traveling, learning new things, current events, movies, home projects, medical issues, family, and so much more! 
Sometimes I feel down – discouraged about the neverending nature of my illness and sometimes I want to use my twisted humor to deal with it. And it’s sooo okay to laugh about it. I do a LOT of eye rolling and laughing. It is so therapeutic! Lol.
One comment I get a LOT from others: “I get migraines sometimes but they’re nothing as bad as yours.” This makes me sad; don’t ever play down your migraine disorder just becuz you’re episodic and not chronic! If you’re a migraineur, I view you as a fellow warrior, whether you have one migraine every three months or you suffer 15 or more a month! I’m no different from you – we both have a neurological disorder that has no cure. I’d love to talk with you about your treatment… maybe there are some options available you haven’t heard of? And I’d been interested hearing how you cope. I’d love sharing with you, fellow warrior! Don’t downplay your migraines! Even one migraine EVER is one too many for any human to suffer. We deserve more research, we need more treatments, we need better medical care, we need less social and medical STIGMA, we need more understanding, we need more discussion and awareness, and we need a CURE.
Another comment I get from well-meaning peeps: “Are you still getting those migraines? I thought you were getting the botox?” or… “I saw you this morning and you looked fine!” Yeeeaaah. These are tough. First, as of 2017, there is NO CURE for migraine disorder. There are three types of treatments to help: 1) preventative, 2) abortive, and 3) rescue treatments. For Chronic Migraineurs, usually a combination of all three treatments are required to MANAGE your neurological disorder. So first and foremost, the word “chronic” means simply – it doesn’t go away, it doesn’t end or stop, but it can be MANAGED. So, yes, I get the Botox and yes, it helps and yes, as disappointing as the reality is, I still get the migraines. To the second question… darn this can be a tough one to explain. I can look “fine” even when I’m migraining. I am so used to pretending and pushing thru the symptoms just to get thru the day… it would be embarrassing to me to “look like I feel;” I don’t want to look like a freak. I already feel like one becuz of this nasty disorder. Also, there’s a good chance that when you saw me and I looked fine, I actually might have been FINE! The devious part about Chronic Migraines is they are sneaky and can be creepy or instantaneous. The nature of the disorder makes my nervous system as sensitive as a toddler with PMS. I can wake up “fine,” run a couple of errands and then – bam! – a change in temperature, a startling noise, a fluctuating hormone, or basically anything in regular life can trigger a migraine. And then – I’m cancelling on you becuz my little migraine monster is demanding my full attention. They are predictably unpredictable and sly ninjas just waiting to ambush. Frustrating making plans with me? You betcha. While I am reliable, my health is not. And it never fails to disappoint me. I feel awful letting people down and I feel awful missing out.
I do hope some of my lengthy essay can end the awkwardness.😊 Wanna chat about it? You know I’m always up for discussion! Thanks for listening and peace and love be with you all! 💜

#MyBeautifulMigraine #MAM2017

Migraine Awareness Month 2017

Starting with a bang. It’s June 2 and I woke with yet another migraine. This weather. Crap. Appointments all day. Shower. Covfefe. Makeup. Smile. Just one foot goes in front of the other.

Be aware. Migraine is very real. It is relentless when chronic. It steals everything: time, ability, fulfillment, your future, happiness and more time. Half-Life. We are Half-Life, just shells of people, trying to operate in a world we no longer fit in. While Migraine steals, it gives so much, even more than it takes: regret, guilt, despair, shame. It’s hard to think of facing this kind of existence for the rest of my Half-Life days….just existing as a burden to those I love.

The picture in the middle is a favorite of mine. Becuz it’s a FAKE. A total fraud, a counterfeit. I am pretending. I was migraining off the charts when it was taken but by sheer will I would not miss this event for my husband and for myself. The smile is real in that it is heartfelt, but the migraine “medication” is only helping a small amount. I am in terrible head pain; I am nauseous; any movement and light makes everything throb. 

I am the best patient to my many doctors, follow a healthy lifestyle and am medication compliant, and still the world is like a constant attack on my neurological system. 

But I cannot let Migraine win and I will not stop fighting for a Life. Faith, Hope, Peace & #MyBeautifulMigraine #MAM2017